my diary!

time- August 21, 2023
topic- A New Life

im in america, specifically the South. im in my own apartment with my roommate. i am in a good place.
i did a lot today. i took my roommate to the airport. went back to sleep. got ready for the day. i had a few places in mind that i wanted to go. i work at a grocery store but we dont have a big variety of products that i want. so i went to a mexican market. i wanted to find pork fat to make slanina but they didnt have it so i just got a pound of pork belly. then i went to harris teeter and got some random groceries. i hadnt eaten all day so i ordered from this pizza place that this guy at work was raving about. i got a classic margherita pizza and it was amazing. headed back home to get those groceries in the refrigerator and eat some pizza. i had an urge to check out this local garden center and it was gorgeous. i found an incredibly long string of fish hooks and a gigantic elephant ears. next i had to check out a nearby antique store and found so many little trinkets and cute items. i definitely want to check the store out again. then i headed home. again. i set up the elephant ear plant outside on the balcony and cleaned it up and hung up our fairy lights to make the balcony nice and cozy. the string of fish hooks is currently hanging in my doorway. im not sure where i want to put it now or where it will thrive but im just letting it hang there and get acclimated to my apartment. after that i just listened to music and hung out. i went to moes to pick up some dinner and ive just been lounging and coding and watching hells kitchen season 10. i played with the cat for a little with the laser to tire him out. big fat. heres some pictures from the day. love ya.

time- January 2, 2023
topic- tangerine love

lots of things happened. cant type a lot cause my computer is a piece of shit and at any second it will just shut off.
i got my romanian citizenship. i am officially a dual citizen. my sister came to visit us for christmas. hopefully ill be in america by mid-january. seems doable. anyways thats it. i still love mark lee. k bye. talk later when i get a better computer.

time- September 28, 2022
topic- A Return

well yesterday was the day that i was supposed to move into my apartment with my bestie. yet here i am. still in romania. still waiting day by day. slowly losing my mind. we went to the capitol to send in my paperwork to try and get me a birth certificate so now we just wait to see if they approve the paperwork. trying to stay positive. failing.
ive been having a lot of fun being a nctzen though. 127 just had a comeback and i am literally Obsessed with it, 2 baddies. theyre so good.
oh also hello. i havent been here in months. i havent written down my thoughts since june 14th. ive been posting random little things on twitter of course but no string of thoughts since june. crazy. its getting cold here in the village. the weather is definitely changing and im sadly feeling more and more depressed. more than usual. currently just sitting here at my laptop listening to a podcast in my robe sipping my room temperature coffee. today ill wash my bedsheets, stream 2 baddies and try to put a smile on my face. i hope, if anyone is reading this, you have a wonderful day.

time- June 14, 2022
topic- reflection

i havent sat down and typed out an actual entry here in a while. its just been mostly spilling then leaving. i have just been trying to enjoy my time here in little ways. like buying photocards. walking my dog. going into the city. listening to lots of music especially nct dream. ive still kept up with my daily album. there was one day where i slipped up and had to say i listened to a single album haha.
yesterday we went to this old fortress. it was good. it was just really hot and i had long pants on. my dad walked around with me and was telling me some history and random facts about the fortress. me and him are so alike. full of random information. always craving to know more.
today is hopefully the day that my puppy gets fixed. hes currently lying down under my bed. poor little guy. hes probably hungry but i cant feed him the vet said. its for the best. hes been a real jerk ever since his balls dropped. biting me and killing chickens. hes a monster. just like his mom lmao.
last night/this morning around 3-4 i opened my balcony door to give my fan a rest and it was so nice and chilly outside. now i have the door open again and the birds are chirping and im hearing the sounds of a working village. it can be nice at times. what i wouldnt do to hear a bunch of cars and honks though like the city.
oh also today is taeils birthday. sweet boy. him and me are the same age right now. how silly. ive been having a lot of fun stanning nct. i havent really made a lot of friends but ive followed a lot of people who make me laugh so that is something. still very lonely but im working on it.
i think thats it for me today. im going to change into my day clothes and make myself some hot coffee. hope anyone that reads this has a good time.

time- May 28, 2022
topic- Beatbox

its been awhile oops. ive literally been doing nothing since i last wrote. ive left the house maybe 5 times. yesterday i stepped on a bee. moms coming home on the 31st. excited for her to bring me all my stuff i asked for. also its one of my besties golden birthday today! how cute. wish i was with her celebrating. ill be in america soon, i hope. oh well ill talk later i guess. boring.

time- May 8, 2022
topic- calm, belly full

literally just wanted to write a quick entry. nothing going on. its 1025pm i just did my skincare. nct dream announced their repackage schedule today im lit. i have zero dollars and zero cents so i will be begging my parents for money to help fund that hehe. mom made it to america and shes actually in pittsburgh right now with gma and aunt. hopefully she'll be able to work on my papers so i can leave this country. its mothers day also. tomorrow i think i will go in to town and shop cause im boreddddd. oh also yesterday i went into the big city with dad and we went to the mall and i saw doctor strange 2. IT WAS SO GOOD. i love superhero movies. okay going to go now. not much else to say. love ya see ya soon.

time- April 21, 2022
topic- "nothing new isnt always bad"

just wanted to check in. its 1053 and i just took a shower and im currently about to do my skincare. nothing new is going on. my mom is going to america in less than a week. lucky her. so i ordered a bunch of stuff so she can bring it back to me here. oh i forgot i already talked about this, scratch that. havent gotten any mail in a while. i think the post lady hates me. me and mom went in to town two days ago and ate at this restaurant and the post lady's daughter was our server. she was so cute, i should get to know her. but i wont. cause i cant. cause i dont like talking to people. anyways. not much going on. orthodox easter is this weekend so family is coming into the village and staying with us. i cant wait to feast. hopefully the food is good. for lunch today im preparing pasta salad, hot dogs, and french fries. a good ole american meal lmao. time to listen to my album of the day and chill. see ya.

time- April 6, 2022

GOOD MORNING! ITS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE'S 8TH BIRTHDAY TODAY! MY NIECE! my life changed that day 8 years ago. she made my world so much brighter by just existing. she means the world to me and im so happy that she found me. i dont get to see her in person but hopefully we will be able to facetime. i hope she has the best day ever because she deserves it and more.
other than that, ive just been obsessing over nct dream! glitch mode is so good i could cry. also im buying a bunch of photocards. i received some yesterday! i got 2 little bear photocard holders, my jaemin hello future kihno pc and 4 mark pcs and 2 taeyong pcs. theyre all my favs! on the way i have a collect book and mark and taeyongs dicon sets. ive bought a bunch of stuff but most of it comes in batches so it wont be here for a while.
ALSO yesterday i went live on tiktok because ive redownloaded it since dreams comeback because theyve been posting. i was organizing my collect book. someone came on with a username with just a bunch of 7s and sent me a rose, an ice cream cone and a finger heart. theyre like little badges you can send to the tiktoker, it was so sweet! and yesterday my mom bought her airplace ticket to visit america. im super jealous, shes leaving at the end of april and staying for a month! im so jealous but at least she will be able to bring me back a bunch of stuff! i hope she has fun too, she needs and deserves it. anyways im going to listen to podcasts today and chill. i think my mom is going in to the city today, ill let her go alone. i dont feel like going. talk to you later!

time- March 28, 2022

glitch mode dropped today and thats all i can care about at this point. i havent come on here in a while and i dont really want to stay for long but to summarize the past couple days. had a sleepover with a friend since the first time i came to romania, saw a movie at the movie theater, have a bunch of albums to come. ordered 2 mark digipacks (oops) 1 mark digi and 1 jeno digi from the uk. 1 jaemin 1 mark 1 haechan from romania. 2 photobooks from smglobalshop but those are unfortunately being mailed to my sisters house in america. still no hope in sight to leave this fucking country. let me goooooo. might have to max out my credit card and buy a ticket. i just want to collect nct dream shit and have A JOB.
okay leaving. arcade. see ya later. enjoy!

time- March 16, 2022

helllllooooo. just wanted to pop on quickly and say something cause i havent in a few days. tooth is going good! we had the family from the city over this weekend to celebrate my cousin, my uncle, and my dads birthdays. it was chaotic but kind of fun. lots of good food was eaten. right now its currently 1606 and raining. the puppy is sleeping on the floor right in front of my balcony door and im listening to new kpop comebacks (WEi's Love Pt.1 : First Love). weve just been lounging around all day. i literally dont know what weve even been doing.
i have quite a few purchases ive made, photocards of course. i need to update my notes on what i have coming and how much it cost.
eh im over it. ill talk later. see ya soon.

time- March 10, 2022
topic- "earthquake"

^^ hi. currently drinking iced coffee, the puppy is sleeping on my bed, i just finished my album of the day.
my tooth is officially fixed! it feels like a real tooth now and im so happy. i think it will take me a long time to comfortably start chewing on the right side of my mouth again. i havent chewed on that side other than gum in a long time. but yay!! also i got my tax return back and of course im currently buying all the photocards in the world instead of sending payments for my credit card. oh well. this kid still owes me over 2800 bucks. hopefully hell start sending me more than 40 dollars a month...
anyways... today me and mom are going into the big city because she has to pick up some special medication for her hand. maybe well get food while we are there. ive really been wanting to get a clear popsocket but while we were in the big city i found one but it was 80 lei, 20 dollars for a damn popsocket at a kiosk. yeah thats not happening. i did find one online for 54 lei which is a little bit cheaper. i just hate ordering online cause i want it Now.
the past week has been cool. like i said we went to the big city. we went for moms doctors appointment. while she was there i was able to go to the asian supermarket again. they didnt have the tteokbokki i liked but they had the carbonara samyang noodles so i got 4 packs of that and some rice cakes cause i finished the pack i got last time. last night for dinner i had my last pack of black bean noodles, i shouldve bought more but i definitely forgot. also in the city we went to mall and i picked up my hello future album!! they sent the future version and its so cute, i love the concept so much and its basically the size of a magazine. its so huge. then we went to the other mall (there are two yes) and i wanted to check their bookstore just in case and they had nct 127 sticker album! it was the sticker version so its that pretty purple and i love it so much! its about the same size as hello future so they look so good together.
here are my pulls:
SO happy with my pulls. Here is a funny story... i want to collect ot7 dream agent pcs so silly me, the night before we left, ordered jeno, jaemin and jisungs dream agent cards cause someone was selling them for 2 quid so i was like okay i wont find them cheaper (lie). anyways they were also selling jaemins future version pc and i was like okay let me order it cause theres no way im pulling him. but i guess i forgot cause i didnt order him. and then these are my pulls!! are you joking. also love that i pulled marks cafe pc from my hot sauce album and marks agent pc from my hello future album. my canadian boy loves me! also that pc of taeil is the cutest!! im really starting to love taeil hes so tiny and sweet. oh also ive finished my cafe dream and dream agent pc sets!!!! all the dream agents other than mark are en route to me!
now im in communications with this girl on instagram that is finding me all these photocards ive been obsessed with. she is going to be the death of me LMAO. but other than that life has been chill. ive been keeping busy with my games, diary and albums of the day. ive been listening to a lot of music. honestly most of the same songs but thats not bad.
i think thats it for today! i hope to see you soon.

time- March 3, 2022
topic- "some things just happen"

~~~~~~~~~~whatsup. its 924. currently downstairs in the office where ive set up shop for the past two days. i like this desk better than mine and sometimes its just nice to be in a new area other than your own room. juju is with me, hes laying on the couch next to me. his head is dangling off of it, i do not see how that is comfortable. listening to my album of the day: regular-irregular by nct 127. ive got my iced coffee. oh thats a funny story. i put some whipped cream on top so i dont have a lid on my cup, i was sitting in the chair went to get a drink tilted the cup and it spilled all over me and the chair and the floor. so ive had to change already today. some things just happen. also when i plugged my computer charger into the surge protecter and turned the surge protector on, i blew the power on the first floor. some things just happen. i must remember to call my dentist today and schedule my appointment for next week. i completely forgot yesterday.
i spent most of yesterday alone because my mom and dad were running all over romania so it was juust me and juju in the office. listened to a bunch of nct and watched most of their choreography videos. ive also found a site where i can manually enter my scrobbles for so ive been doing that when i watch youtube. there is nothing on the agenda for today. just hang out with the pup and cat and mom. eat. drink coffee. type on my little keyboard and have a good day. oh and call the dentist! thats all for now, see ya!

time- March 1, 2022
topic- "we going ko ko bop"

helllllloooooo! good morning. its 1006. currently listening to the war by exo. drinking my coffee. getting ready to go to the dentist. we probably have to leave in like 25 minutes. ive been keeping busy lately. i put on makeup today im going to make it a good day.
ive still been listening to and thinking about mainly kpop. nct dream announced their comeback, SO EXCITED. i really wanted to preorder the album but the prices/shipping are insane. yesterday i ordered a baekhyun album from this girl on facebook. hes one of my new favorites. i love his solo work so much and i listened to his entire discography yesterday. hes so cute and i cannot believe he still has like a year left in the military... what am i going to do? also what the hell am i going to do when nct has to enlist... its not going to go well for me lmao.
oh! mom and dad went into the city yesterday and brought me home mcdonalds, so i ate well! have a good day if you are seeing this. i am sending you love.

time- February 19, 2022
topic- "Obsessed with tiny pictures of korean men"

its me again. happy saturday. currently on the video call with my sister, trying to figure out how we can let my niece and nephew message me and mom and dad. very complicated stuff lmao. this week has been okay. got two more photocards on thursday i think. very cute. got taeyong and jeno! ordered some more cards yesterday! i cannot be stopped. idk i feel like thats all i want to write for today. bye.

time- February 15, 2022
topic- Three Cards

hellllllooo. today was a good day. went to the big city with my mom today. got to go to the mall and eat taco bell and pizza hut. got bubble tea with TAPIOCA PEARLS. soooo good. i miss them already. drove around listening to nct dream and crime junkie podcast. since i last wrote, i went to the dentist and they actually did work on my tooth. i went on valentines day and they took the temporary filling out, turns out my tooth is infected so he had to do a bunch of treatment to it. it hurt so bad and i definitely cried a lot in front of the dentist lmao. who cares. im not ashamed that shit was brutal. i have to go back on thursday and i think like 3 more times after that. we are not pulling the tooth as of yet, hes going to work on it to try and save the tooth. i like this dentist a lot. hes really soft spoken and walks me through everything that he does. i feel i am in good hands.
got home today from the city and had three cards waiting for me! i received taeyongs resonance pt. 2 fluffy tan jacket card, yutas baby boy 2022 seasons greetings card and chanyeols dont fight the feeling ar card! im really stressing about two letters that i havent received yet, one from the uk and one from the us. im sending positive energy into the universe that i will receive them soon! i also ordered all of the nct dream cafe cards that i didnt already have (i only have marks) so im excited to actually have a finished set of that. im definitely a dreamie now, i love them so much!!!! i went to the bookstore today at the mall and they ordered hello future for me. its going to ship to the store then i have to go back and pay for it. hopefully its not too expensive. i want both versions just because i love their concepts so much. anyways, im going to try and figure out this ar card and wash off my makeup and lay in bed. talk later! lots of love xxoxoxoxoxooxoxxo~!!!!

time- February 10, 2022
topic- a break?

whoops; its been a lot longer than i thought since i last wrote. i havent been doing much just stressing and hanging out at home. so i didnt end up getting my tooth pulled on the 7th, they put a temporary filling it in. im actually going tomorrow to get it pulled. very excited for that. today we are going to my grandmas for lunch, my aunt and uncle are in town. i have yet to receive any more photocards. i know that i have like 8 on the way. the mail lady is just lazy and doesnt deliver the mail every day like she should. its fucked and shes a bitch. whatever. not much else. i took a shower yesterday and im drinking coffee right now. made a kpop twitter so i can be less annoying on main. nothing else. ttyl.

time- February 2, 2022
topic- Get Better

feeling better than my last entry. i received some photocards yesterday. very happy that two of my taeyongs came! i have his favorite poetic kihno card in a pretty, bedazzled toploader right now on my desk. (not going to talk about how pathetic it is that i am 28 and collecting photocards of people younger than me) i should be the one on the photocard lmao. anyways today me and mom went into town and got groceries and some takeout hotdogs. it gave me the hiccups. already took the puppy on one walk today, probably going to feed him around 6 then take him on another walk when we finish dinner. tomorrow we have to stay home because the delivery service is coming to pick up our package of stuff we need to return to h&m. im going to get my tooth pulled on monday the 7th, very excited for that. once i get my teeth fixed, im going to be so much more comfortable and happy. i want to get veneers on my top front teeth, they just look so ugly. i think thats it for today. im going to try and do 30 minutes on the elliptical today, im just so sleepy and i got my big huge pink sweater and i love it so much. okay bye.

time- January 30, 2022
topic- too old to be Here

i feel ancient. i hate it. before the last couple of months, i never cared about how old i was or age. i was just like oh im 27 whatever. now im 28, i have nothing to show for it and now im comparing myself to everyone around me. oh this famous person is 25 and they just won this big award and theyre famous and skinny and hot and talented and have a lot of things to live for. but how can you not compare yourself to everyone else when you, at your core, have absolutely nothing of substance to give to this world? i have brought more darkness than i have light. i am a bad person. i am not deserving of anything. i am fake. i am worthless and i hate myself more and more every single day. i am literally just here wasting my familys time and money. if i killed myself, it would be better for them. they would mourn for a little bit and then ultimately everyone would be a better person if i were dead. so whats the point. im a fucking piece of shit. i should kill myself.

time- January 27, 2022
topic- slllowed

ive decided to just type whenever i feel like it and not feel obligated to come on the computer and type here every single day when there isnt really much to say. im on the last little stretch of sickness i think. but my dad is still sick and my mom said this morning that she feels like shes getting sick. so probably another week of sickness in this house. yuck. nct has definitely been keeping me occupied and entertained while ive been away. ive also been buying tons more photocards and i have so many on the way that im really excited about! i hope they get here quickly and safely.
yesterday i didnt do much. i tried to go to the store in the village at like 6 and it was closed. so thats a huge bummer cause im on my period and its really bad this time around cause its been so light for the past couple of months and i am really craving chocolate. ill try to go later today, maybe around like 430.
still going strong with my album a day 2022 challenge; album of 1/27 aka NCT 127 day is NEO ZONE: The Final Round. im going to make sure i listen to all of their songs, even like solos and subunits just everything. oh also yesterday i found a romanian kpop selling site and ordered 3 things! i ordered NCT 127 Favorite- the catharsis photobook version, Resonnance Pt. 2- the departure kihno version (very excited to have a little tiny kihno of my own!), and finally taeyong's jewel case for nct Universe!!! my babbyyy boy, putting into the universe that i will receive the special universe card!!! i want it, i will have it!!!
today is the gaonchart music awards and nct127 and nctdream are both there. okay pretty sure i already missed them winning stuff. thats annoying but i just saw stayc win something?? thats cute! ill be sure to watch recaps and stuff and translations. i just started some laundry and i think thats mostly what im going to do today. g2g.

coffee or tea : tea, 1 mug

time- January 23, 2022
topic- feeling gross

still sick. feel gross and hot and runny. sooo thirsty all the time. its so cold today. me and mom took the puppy on a walk earlier and my hands were frozen even in gloves. and i dont want to turn my radiator down cause i know in the middle of the night ill be freezing.
currently watching great british bake off. i didnt do much today, just laid in bed and had snacks and blew my nose. i think thats it for today.

coffee or tea : nothing, water

time- January 22, 2022
topic- Sometimes you need a Break

welp legitimately forgot about this website all of yesterday. honestly its okay. i dont think i did much yesterday. i took the day off the elliptical cause my calves were sore and i started playing animal crossing new horizons again. i actually have like a semi game plan for my island for the first time in forever.
today: im sick. my nose is runny. im hot, i have a fever of 37.5C so yeah thats fun. i can still smell and taste so i doubt its covid and my nose is leaking like a son of a bitch. all i did today cause make myself coffee and a wrap, played animal crossing and watched ateez and nct dream videos. im obsessed with them.
OH yesterday i also got 3 packages! i got my frog hat which im in love with. i got my little photocard binder and holo slips. then i got a lia card. v happy. im in love with that little binder. i bought 2 more taeyong cards, i cannot wait for them to come home.
i think thats it. oh also sleep last night was shit because the neighbors dog would not stop barking i wanted to die. okay my eyeballs are on fire. im going to chill and sleep. ttyle.

coffee or tea : coffee, 1/2 a travel cup

time- January 20, 2022
topic- howling winds.

its my niece's second birthday today! my big girl, my little pandemic baby. shes the sweetest. got to facetime her for like a split second but she was happy.
started my day early with a shower and made my tea. i let it cool down then added my energy drink to it and it was okay. a little too watered down for my taste. probably wont try that again. then i took the puppy for a walk. its so cold and windy today. i hate the wind. its so loud and sharp. watched some youtube. made myself a wrap for lunch and pepsi max.
we had dinner at a place in the big town with one of my dads old elementary school crushes and her daughter. they are nice but not vaccinated and i just think thats dumb. she said that we could hang out whenever i wanted but i probably wont do that cause we literally have nothing in common. also i dont make friends im not special.
thats about it. oh i had a cesar salad with chicken for dinner, it was good. did about 12 minutes on the elliptical then took the puppy for another walk. now hes inside with me and im about to do my skincare. good night.

coffee or tea : tea with energy drink

time- January 19, 2022
topic- BAD LOVE

and today was kind of better than the day before. awakened and made coffee, fancy style with whipped cream and caramel and chocolate syrup and wayyy too much sugar. i think i make it way too strong or its just shitty coffee cause lately (im lying, it always has) it has been making me feel too weird. like its sour or something idk. im not really a coffee conniessur (yikes i spelt that way wrong, its 'connoisseur') i just like the shit. watched some youtube videos with the stranger things cast with my mom then we watched the netflix series on aaron hernandez. it was really interesting and just heartbreaking all around. then i made pizza for lunch. we each had 4 pieces. oh also earlier i took juju on a walk i think. after lunch and the series, me and mom went on a walk to my grandmas house and took down the xmas decorations she put up with juju of course.
after that i started cooking dinner. i made carbonara and a mozzerella and tomato 'salad'. the carbonara was perfect consistency and came out exactly how i like it But it almost had like a bitter/sour aftertaste to it. it was definitely from one of the cheeses i used but idk which one. will definitely have to perfect that recipe over here. i added extra pasta water to mine and omg it was so much creamier and i loved it a lot. the 'salad' was good but i would have liked it with more balsamic vinegar but i didnt want to put too much cause it always hurts my mouth if i do. after dinner, i washed all the dishes.
i scrubbed my face with my st ives apricot scrub which i will never stop using idc what the professionals say. then i did my herbivore brighten mask. i let my skin dry out because i knew i was going to exercise and i didnt want to exercise with all my skincare on. i did like 25 minutes total on the elliptical then took juju on a walk that was about 1km. pretty proud of myself. it was smart to take him on the walk after the elliptical cause i was pretty sweaty and it didnt feel as cold outside. its currently 21F.
oh and i am listening to my album of the day today: BAD LOVE - The 1st Mini Album by KEY from Shinee. its pretty good so far. ive been consistent with my albums so far this year (except for one day but TECHNICALLy i did listen to one album that day it was just a single hehe) so im proud of myself for that. doing the rest of my skincare right now. OH i also took my skin, nails and hair formula vitamin. i only took one (it recommends two) just because vitamins always fuck me up when i first start taking them so i wanted to ease into it. idk if they will do anything but its good to try since i already have them. i want to be skinny and pretty and i want my hair to be thicker and to have stronger nails. after i finish my skincare im going to do my sarah chapman 'the facialift' cause i havent done it in forever. also im going to take more photos with the snow app cause i dont give a shit, i need to be filtered im very ugly. other than That it was a good day. very chill. i pushed myself and that is something to be proud of. later.

coffee or tea : coffee, 1 mug fancy made myself fresh

time- January 18, 2022
topic- pirate king

and today was better than yesterday. im getting a little more stable each passing day, hopefully it continues. i received a photocard in the mail today, it took 8 days to get here from the uk so im really impressed with that! however i did spent $40 on 3 photocards today... BUT theyre all my ults: yuta, taeyong and hongjoong so im very excited for that. im wishful thinking that my romanian packages will get here within the week too. i also have two more orders from the uk (i think) its been a fun time on depop.
i watched a lot of ted lasso today and finished stranger things season 3 with my mom today so shes all caught up and we get to watch the new season together when it comes out. im excited for that. i cannot wait to see hopper again, i just love that character so much.
juju came home with peaches today and hes currently on the porch because if i dont keep him there, hell run away and go to his girlfriends.

coffee or tea : tea, 1 to-go cup

time- January 17, 2022
topic- better

actually got out of bed today. it is 804pm. i just took a shower and have been listening to music for most of the day. i switched back from apple music to spotify because apple is so expensive and like ive said: i have no money. i reheated leftovers and added a fried egg for breakfast. watched ted bundy files with mom. had chili with pasta for dinner. had to get juju from his gfs this morning. woke up at like 8 and got him by 830ish. it snowed. it still might be snowing idk. i have all my lotion and skincare done. nothing else for the rest of the day.

coffee or tea : coffee, 1 mug

time- January 16, 2022
topic- bed

this day was bad. i am writing this on the 17th. did not leave bed. cried.

time- January 15, 2022
topic- idk

would very much like to kill myself today. laid in bed all day and cried. literally no tv no music just scrolling on my phone horizontal in bed all day. had like a glass of water then made myself eat at like 7pm. i deleted all my social media apps on my phone and ipad. i will just never live the life that i want to live so whats even the point. i want to die.

time- January 14, 2022
topic- n/a

another day im fucking miserable i want to die


time- January 13, 2022
topic- Jeepers Creepers

laundry day! literally all day doing laundry cause our dryer is shit. in between loads i did manage to watch eternals and wow, loved it. druig is my favorite character and i cannot believe that harry styles is a marvel character. *mind blowing*
i decorated my mark and jimin photocards today, well the toploaders i bedazzled. i hope i get my other pcs soon! manifesting them to come quickly and without any issues. also sent my bestie a few more apartments today. she hasnt replied but thats okay. we are putting it into the universe and the universe will guide us on our path to each other again. i believe it, i will it into existence.
tomorrow is friday. i have like two more loads of laundry to do and thats it. then ill just chill and probably watch youtube. g2g.

coffee or tea : other half of red bull

time- January 12, 2022
topic- tiny sparks

these tiny little sparks of joy are what help me keep my mind. went to the mall. got some earrings, had some kfc and chinese food, walked. forgot almost all of my problems and responsibilities (i.e. im writing this post a day late because i forgot) i got my toploaders and sleeves for my photocards. somehow i ordered the perfect amount. but i definitely need to order more. anyways thats enough.

coffee or tea : half a red bull

time- January 11, 2022 (1/11/22)
topic- purgatory.

a little midday writing session. theres still snow on the ground from yesterday. it snowed earlier for a couple hours; not a lot of snow just lightly. it stopped. juju got another bath today and now he is comfortably laying on my bed and snoring. i just painted my nails clear so i can grow them out. also i should start taking my vitamins again because i want my nails and hair to be healthier.
i sent my friend two apartments that i really like near the mall. they also have a bus system in that area so since i dont have a car, transpo will be really easy. to elaborate on my entry yesterday, i cried for like 30 minutes not all day. i just hate it here and i dont know what i was thinking when i moved here. im so scared to tell my parents and so nervous at how will i afford everything. its just very stressful and im definitely not happy at all. but i have still been watching kpop vids and listening to songs so that is bringing me some joy. i really like ateez recently; their leader hongjoong is so pretty.
i think thats about it for today. its 230pm right now and i dont have anything to do for the rest of the day so i think ill just lounge on my bed and watch youtube. bye.

coffee or tea : today i had a red bull, the smallest one

time- January 10, 2022
topic- too close for comfort

WOW typing this at 1159pm. i made it. cried all day. bye

i had coffeee okay

time- January 9, 2022
topic- consistent

wow im so happy with myself and being this consistent. ive been regularly doing my apps on my phone (except for daily crossword, i missed a day) and writing here! ive been so obsessed with NCT lately. i just got done watching some videos about them.
today was a snow day. juju hung out inside me with, we went to my grandmas for lunch and had pizza for dinner. i just took a shower and doused myself in massage bar. done for now. xoxox

coffee or tea : coffee, 1 mug

time- January 8, 2022
topic- No Subject (2)

hi quick little write up. made coffee took juju on a walk made a tiktok. gave juju a bath and now he is sleeping on my bed. ordered some photocards. putting into the universe that they will arrive to me safely and intake! the universe is always with me and on my side! i am blessed beyond measure! bless.

coffee or tea : coffee, 1.5 keep cup

time- January 7, 2022
topic- it cannot always be dark.

woke up before my alarm at like 845am. had a dream that a dog was going around the village and killed some puppies. it was so weird. anyways this is a daytime writing session. my first one of the year. its 318pm. we went in to the city this morning to pick up our packages and then we went to the grocery store and got takeout hotdogs french-style. they were so good. came back home, i cleaned off all my surfaces cause they were super dusty. filmed a room tour. now im listening to nct. in my package today i got that little converter for apple lightning to headphone jack. i took down my christmas lights and wreath on my balcony. so sad. bye xmas but im so ready for spring. hopefully i wont have to spend the whole spring here but probably. im hoping to go to the us in july or august. did i say that? not sure. my friends lease is up in september so that would be good timing for me to get situated. okay idk what im doing for the rest of the day but bye.

coffee or tea : actually... energy drink oops

time- January 6, 2022
topic- down they go

chill day. turned off my alarm cause i went to bed last night at like 2am so i got out of bed at like 1045am. made breakfast for me and mom: pancakes, eggs, bacon. relaxed in my recliener. helped mom take down christmas decorations. juju spent most of the day inside cause peach attacked him twice. poor little guy. im on my laptop right now on my bed and hes laying here with me. i just watched a bunch of nct videos and ate a lot of chips. ate rigatoni with mom. came upstairs. did a face mask (herbivore - brighten) and put on some pimple patches. my skin is so bad right now. there is so much texture and im breaking out so much. i am on my period but still the texture was here before. i think it might be because i stopped using my toner so im going to start regularly using that again. this face mask also said to use it everyday for 3-4 days in a row so i will definitely be doing that. other than that, im going to drink some more water, make a playlist of my favorite fancams, do some pinteresting and go to bed. annyeong.

coffee or tea : coffee, iced, venti cup

time- January 5, 2022
topic- wasted

im not going to lie to you right now (ill try to never). i did absolutely nothing productive today. literally nothing. i started the day at 910am, made my fluffy coffee and proceeded to sit my ass on the recliner until about an hour ago (8pm). i watched stranger things the entire time. its such a good show im rewatching it in preparation for the fourth season; im about to finish season two. for lunch i made myself a wrap with the rest of my hotpot meat and rice/corn. it tasted like shit. then i snacked on chocolate and chips for the rest of the day. i didnt eat dinner cause i basically had a whole bag of cheese puffs. now im just sitting here listening to my album of the day, NCT's 2018 EMPATHY. im doing my best to learn all of their names and faces. i made pinterest boards to help. learning 23 names is challenging though. i think i have about half down.
earlier in the day i was looking at apartments and did some research about what my friend has in her area and wow im impressed. theres a fresh market (mY ABSOLUTE FAV FANCY GROCERY STORE), trader joes, target, walmart; all the essentials really. i didnt look at the exact stores in the mall, ill try to do that tomorrow. but i like the area so far. the apartments i looked at were a little more expensive then my previous apartments but its so close to the airport and mall so thats to be expected.
well im done typing for today. going to finish this album and chill. bye.

coffee or tea? : coffee, 1 large mug

time- January 4, 2022
topic- not so lucky

i really do not know the date until i write my journal entries here, honestly. well its 746pm i just got out of the shower and i have a pore strip on my nose. my feet are peeling sooo bad from that foot mask i did the other night. its terrifying and also fascinating. didnt do much today. took juju for a walk but a big scary dog was out so we turn around a couple yards before we reached the end of the village. i woke up to my alarm this morning which was good but i didnt get out of bed until 911am (im working on it). i made myself tea again and mom went in to the city. i also made myself a chicken rice bowl with corn and hoisin sauce. it was so good and i have leftovers for tomorrow but i ate all the chicken. so basically just rice and corn tomorrow.
nothing too astronomical today. my period is so light its stressing me out but maybe thats a good thing. i had such a strong craving to be in america today. i want to go so bad. i told my bff about my plan when her lease is up to get a two bedroom with her and work at the mall together. she said she was down. she lives in a different state though and i do not remember a time before i lived in nc. itll be weird if it does happen. but what a nice change it would be. i asked her if there were any kpop or music stores near by, she said no but there is a target so thats good. i might do some research and see what is around her area and see if i would even want to live there. i mean its the best, most concrete plan i have.
also ive been watching a lot of nct youtube edits today and i love them so much. okay going to finish this video im on "NCT 2021 moments i think about a lot" finish listening to my playlist of the day, fill out my daylio app, finish my skincare, get some water and head to bed. SEE YA TOMORROW!

coffee or tea? : tea, 1 large mug

time- January 3, 2022
topic- WHOOPS!

........already almost forgot to write in this. whoops sorry. i only remembered by scrolling through my own tweets... but today has been calm. first monday of the year. the priest came around the village and "blessed" the houses. literally just walked around the house and threw water in the doorways. odd traditions here. made tea and pizza for me and my mom for lunch. then my mom and dad went into the city to go to my moms doctors appt so i stayed home and made myself a hotpot. it was so good, almost tasted like samyang hot chicken noodles but the noodles from lidl are actual trash. other than that i downloaded a new app 'daylio' which basically tracks your mood everyday so im going to try and do that every day this year. i also made a new playlist on apple music called "album a day" and just like the title ill try to listen to a whole album everyday and by the end of 2022 there will be 365 albums in the playlist. i think that sounds like a fun idea. i also gave juju a bath cause he was absolutely caked in mud. hes such a runt. now hes sleeping on my bed while i listen to billlie's first mini album. its only 1022pm and im all ready for bed. definitely need to get back to a better sleep schedule becaause the past three nights i havent gone to bed until like 3am. on the health app on iphone, i added a new sleep schedule. i have been using it but i stopped and now i started back up again to hopefully maintain a regular sleep schedule. i have a headache right now because i think i havent had enough caffeine today, not sure though. ttyl *heart*

coffee or tea? : tea, 1 large mug // iced coffee (super light), not even half a venti cup

time- January 2, 2022
topic- second day of the year

welp! its 742pm. currently doing things that would make more sense yesterday but honestly today feels more like the first day of the year cause im fully awake (if that makes sense). i stayed up until about 4 this morning didnt get out of bed until about 1230 and then i took a shower. i stayed in bed thinking someone would come check on me but no one even noticed. i dont even know why i wanted someone to check on me because if they would have, i know for a fact i wouldve been dismissive and rude.
other than the shower, i listened to a bunch of new music and edited my playlists. now im listening to albums released in december and rating them for my listography. currently on nct universe - miracle. kpop is so much better than western artists, im not even sorry. they put so much heart and dedication to their craft. not saying that western artists dont, its just way more obvious in kpop with the constant comebacks and music shows.
i also spent a lot of time on twitter today. finding my friends twitters that i used to follow before i deleted. i was also really contemplating what i want for this new year. so i gave myself a few things to work on:
- read the books i own
- learn more romanian
- move back to the us
- less coffee//more tea

- be happy with life (the most important)
so those are my "new years resolutions" if they even qualify. im not being strict either. i want to make it out alive!!
ive also challenged myself to write here Every Day. even if its one sentence. i want future me to know what past me was like in the moment. i want to remember me.

coffee or tea? : coffee, 1.5 large mugs

time- January 1, 2022
topic- HAPPY 2022!

happy newwwww yearrrrrrrr. its currently 758pm and i literally did nothing but lay in bed and sleep all day! i reorganized my top two dresser drawers but that was it. i wasnt even hung over or anything (im sober now) i was just so tired from dancing and staying up until 3am. we had a party at the cultural center across the street from our house. it was a lot of fun, a lot of people from the village showed up! the music was just so loud, i had to come home a few times to change and just chill cause my eyes were ringing so much. but for 2022 i definitely want to just do whatever the fuck i want, not worry about other people or how theyll judge me or look at me. im just going to be one of those self-absorbed people, so excited. also i want to move back to america this year and definitely collect more kpop albums and maybe even start collecting photocards for nayeon and jimin! my two ults as they say in the kpop community lmao.
im so proud of myself for making it through 2021. it was tough but i did it and that is worth celebrating.

coffee or tea? : coffee, one large mug

time- December 12, 2021
topic- wheres the snow...

ok..... the snow is so late this year. last year the first snow that stuck was on november 21. now its always almost half way through december and weve only had one little snow flurry that lasted for like ten minutes. other than that its 13 days until christmas. i literally just want money for christmas to pay off my credit card and alittle sweater for my dog. oh and a new leash because yesterday he chewed his up and broke it. what a little turd monster.
ive been religiously playing pokemon for the past couple of days. im working on a living dex on pokemon home. i have it all set up its just finding everything and trading what foreign pokemon i have to english ones if possible. but i just took a shower and now im listening to loud, positive music. idk what we are doing this sunday but i know ill be planted on my phone. see ya.

time- December 7, 2021
topic- Loneliness.

today the world is just dark and sad. im starting to feel like im destined for loneliness. i shout into the world and no one hears me. no one sees me. i dont exist. i just want to be loved by everyone. i want to be noticed. but its so hard when i have never had a single original thought. what makes me different? what makes people want to talk to me? what makes me worth being heard? i cant answer those questions. all i have is my phone and my computer. shouting, typing, screaming, scrolling. i just want to make friends. i want to make all the friends. i want to hear everyones stories. i want to know people. i want people to remember my name. i want people to think about me when im not around. but it doesnt happen. im fog. rolling. gone. maybe tomorrow will be better. i have to be there to find out.

time- December 6, 2021
topic- inspired? is that the word?

inspired to just do a bunch of internet shit. hung out on discord and reddit a lot today and added a few more links to my linktree. also spent a big portion of the evening on following people that i had high+ music compability with. then i a found a person with a listography link in their bio and i remembered mine so now im kind of in the middle of editing it and also typing this and listening to music.
outside of the internet, today i made myself coffee, didnt eat until like 1245 oops. unpacked the groceries for my mom. cleaned and vacuumed my room. organized shit. decided i want to wear my lush knotwraps in my hair now. watered my monstera. had wraps for dinner. opened the sixth section of my advent calender with mom.
oh also was looking at a lot of art (again) on toyhouse and deviantart. i watched every single episode of forensic files on the filmrise youtube channel so thats something. anyways back to work. im inspired.

time- December 5, 2021
topic- Christmas Festival

stayed up until like 2 this morning. woke up at 8ish. took a shower. me mom and dad just hung out on the couch for a bit and finally they were like lets go to [redacted] for the christmas festival and i said OF COURSE. anything to get in the spirit of christmas. the city is about two hours away so we drove there with my fav playlist on. got there, showed our vaccination cards and got in. had some food, got some fudge and presents. went to a hardware store on the edge of the city and they have the best plant selection! last time we were there, in the spring, i bought a zz plant, a pilea peperomioides, and a snake plant. i had a good time today. on the way home, i was fighting the urge to fall asleep. my dad sucks at driving so i made myself stay awake to keep my eyes on the road at all times lmao.
i edited a linktree last night for my other socials and im really happy with it. also i commissioned a person on twitter last night for a little pixel art of my mascot, pina. i cant wait to see how it turns out. now im just sitting in bed on the computer. im also looking at which movies are on sale this week on itunes. josie and the pussycats is only $4.99 so that is a definite maybe. i bought the cat in the hat w mike meyers last night cause it was also $4.99. i love that movie so much, its so corny and bad. bend it like beckham is also $4.99; such an iconic movie. tbqh i think im going to get both of them and just use the money i have on my apple cash. well i think thats it. this weekend was okay. im going to drink my water and chill. bye.

time- December 4, 2021
topic- Nothing.

did nothing yesterday. will most likely do nothing today.
see ya.

time- December 2, 2021
topic- No Subject

whoops. its been a couple days. yesterday was romania's birthday so we had a little festival in the commune. we went to the big city recently and went to the mall. me and mom got pizza hut and it was soooo good. i miss it so much. i wanted the cheesy bites pizza but we could only order it in the large. anyways i just want to move back to america and buy a purple imac and play sims all day and go to work. ive been researching apartments in raleigh but i havent had any luck with afforable places. also i dont even know what would be affordable cause i have absolutely no money saved for deposits or anything. its stressful. i need to find like an online job that i can do abroad. i need to buy plane tickets, pay for extra baggage, find a job, find maybe a roommate, hopefully get a cat, find a job at a grocery store that hires people with shitty tattoos....
okay im just going to download sims 4 on my shitty macbook (i love you macbook pls work for me and not overheat) and today me and mom are going into town to the grocery store. ttyl.

time- November 26, 2021
topic- home? alone?

currently sitting on my favorite chair watching forensic files next to my mom. my cramps were really bad yesterday and today and im really craving mcdonalds and thai food. ill be home alone later in the day and im already looking forward to it.
yesterday was ziua recunostintei (thanksgiving) so we cooked american thanksgiving stapes like sweet potato casserole, mashed potatos, turkey, apple crisp... it was all so good. some members of the family came over and we all hung out. that plus my cramps plus the food made me so tired that i dont even remember falling asleep. i already had coffee and some of the apple crisp this morning but im still hungry. ill probably be editing this site a lot today and trying to add more pages. ive already gotten some inspiration from pinterest. ttyl.

vid of the day:

(cont.) some webpages i want to make: shrines for the grinch and marine animals, my collection of favorite animal crossing pocket camp items and a webpage for my current animal crossing new horizons island.